Forgive and Forget or You're Shackled to Your Past!
By your choice of not forgiving, you have chosen to shackle yourself like prisoners to your past! This holds you back from experiencing your true Divine Potential. You carry the great weight of shame upon your shoulders, the burdens upon your back, the grudges and revenge wreak havoc in your mind and the ball chained to your leg impedes your forward growth. You hold the power and one of the keys that can potentially heal you physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, ultimately setting you free!
When we carry grudges, resentments, old hurt and pains we end up hurting ourselves more than the ones that we perceived did the hurting! Being unforgiving is detrimental to our entire being! Coaches, counselors and doctors attest to the damage that is done by failing to forgive ourselves and others. The majority of illnesses that are treated are due to emotional problems. Depression, anxiety and destroyed relationships are normally caused from carrying resentment and bitterness.
Forgiveness has to be given without resentment and in honesty. It must be completely genuine or else it is not truly forgiven. You are only fooling yourself if you do not truly forgive from the heart. What if the person we are forgiving does not feel that they have done anything wrong? It doesn’t matter, forgive them anyways! As with all choices presented to each of us during our course of life, they have choice on taking responsibility for their own role. If the other person involved chooses not to accept responsibility, that is ok!
Self-empowerment is taking care of yourself and doing things for yourself. You do not need another person’s permission to heal yourself! Take back your power, forgive them, rid the energy and move on with your life! You do not need their permission or approval for you to forgive them. You owe this to yourself. You are only responsible for your own healing. In truth, when you do forgive the other person, a higher part of this being, knows and accepts your forgiveness. So in essence, you are helping the other person by your unselfish act of forgiving them! Really it is a win-win for all involved. Although the person not taking responsibility for their involvement will stay stuck in their life where they are at. But as with all things, they will evolve when the time is right for them.
A lot of hurts and pains are buried deep within our subconscious mind. We do not remember them therefore we feel we are free of them. This is not so! This hurt and pain is an energetic memory stored within our being. It runs our lives! It is a program that keeps replaying over and over, one that stifles your growth forward as it holds your consciousness in victim mode. Forgiveness is something that needs to be done in order to heal yourself physically, raise your vibration, leave victim consciousness, and move forward in your life.
Forgiving Someone for the Hurt They Caused
Forgiving someone does not mean you are accepting the person’s behaviour. Forgiveness is more about releasing the harmful energies that are overshadowing your personal health and well-being than letting someone else off the hook for their misdeeds. When you hold onto the pain, resentment, fear, hurts and other emotions you give your power away to the one whom has done the hurting. When you do not forgive this person and yourself you allow subconscious programs to run your life. You keep yourself locked in a repetitive victim cycle until you are ready to release these energies and programs.
I am ready to heal myself. I am ready to forgive everyone that has ever done me wrong, how do I do this? Here is an exercise that you can do by yourself that is very powerful and freeing! It takes some time but is definitely worth every ounce of effort you put into it.
Go into your physical sacred space, sit and start a list. Go back into your life as far as your memory can remember and start writing down every single name that you ‘see’ or ‘hear’ that you feel has created any type of hurt, pain or suffering. Go right back to the very beginning. Think of your parents, siblings, relatives and neighbours. Go back to your school days. Go into your work place. Write down every single name without judgment. When you feel your list is complete, go back again and this time, write down all the names that you feel you have hurt either intentionally or unintentionally. Be as honest with yourself as you can.
Remember you are the only one suffering by not taking responsibility for your own actions! After you are done, go through the list and for each person say, “I AM the Violet Flame. I forgive (name) and I forgive myself now. I release all karmic energy that we have together in all directions of time. I send you love and bless you on your way. I call upon the power of God to cut any and all psychic cords between myself and (name) now. These psychic cords are now lovingly severed, lifted, loved, healed, released and let go into the Violet Flame. I therefore accept fully and completely the healing of my relationship with (name) now. Thank you! So be it and so it is!”
This does take a while but it is very powerful! Free yourself and move on! If you feel like there was someone you still have trouble forgiving, keep coming back and repeating the affirmation for this person or people daily, until you feel you have forgiven them and yourself completely. I would like to also say that just because you have forgiven someone for their part in your learning experience, this does not mean you have to resume a relationship with this person if it has already been severed! You forgive and move on.
Some other very powerful ways to free yourself with forgiveness are through energy work, meditations and visualizations that work specifically to deprogram your subconscious mind.
You have the power within to change your life, who do you need to forgive right now?
Forgive and Forget: Free Yourself of Emotional Baggage
Forgiveness is difficult for many people because, too often, we think to forgive is also to condone, to say, "Oh, that's ok." We put up barriers to forgiving others because of this notion. Many times, in fact, most times what needs to be forgiven is NOT ok. It was not ok to have happened, it is not ok to do again -- it's just simply NOT ok. So, unless the offender asks for forgiveness with sincerity and remorse (and sometimes even when they do,) we often find it difficult to forgive.
If you look up the word 'forgive' in the dictionary, one of the definitions you'll find is: to cease to feel resentment against. Forgiving, ceasing to feel resentment against, someone or something benefits who? You. Forgiving benefits YOU.
Forgiving, ceasing to feel resentment against, that’s all about you, not them. Granted, they might also benefit if you no longer feel resentment toward them, but the change occurs within YOU when you forgive another, not the reverse. The decision to forgive is yours. The act of forgiving is an act YOU undertake, and the feelings changing as a result are yours, as well.
For a very long time, I was unwilling to forgive certain people in my life. I held close the feelings of anger and resentment over how they had betrayed me and wore them like a protective shield. I vowed no one would EVER hurt me like that again. Over time, my protective shield began to prevent me from connecting with new people, new friendships and extending my friendship to others. Ultimately, who did this hurt? Me. I had unknowingly allowed my unwillingness to forgive to control and shape my life - and not in a positive way, I might add.
Today I look at forgiveness as a way to set down the emotional baggage of past hurts and walk away stronger than before. If you think about it - how can you receive the blessings of today if your hands are holding tightly to resentments of yesterday? You can't go back and change what happened or force the offender to make amends, but you CAN decide to live a happy life.
The person I'm forgiving may or may not even know of my forgiveness - that is not the point. I am the one miserable with my negative feelings and emotions - not them. They may or may not even know I'm harboring resentments. Meanwhile, I'm seething and miserable. By forgiving, I set myself free.
If the whole idea of forgiving feels beyond you at the moment, either because you are still too angry and upset (and likely wanting your pound of flesh) or because forgiving still feels to you like you're saying, "Oh, it's ok..." then try replacing the word 'forgive' with the words 'cease to feel resentment against' and see if that makes a difference for you. "I cease to feel resentment against you for what you did," might be a more empowering way for you to say, "I forgive you for what you did."
How Do I Forgive and Forget?
We should be willing to forgive just as much as we want to be forgiven.
As the blinding flash of lightening and the rumbling roar of thunder, so it is with surprises and ideas. And especially with our own “ah-ha!” moments!
Isn’t it fascinating how not one of us is absolutely perfect? We have threaded our way through life, doing the best we know how. Sure, we all have weaknesses that get the best of us at times, but for the most part, we really are doing the best we know how. And yet, after all we have done, we still find that we fall short in the consistently perfect department.
So we again refocus our direction, reset our sights on the goals that we have set for ourselves, and step out on our own paths to success. And we should be pursuing all the paths to success that we can possibly handle, because that is the way we also develop our complete potential.
The important thing is that we are willing to acknowledge our mistakes and make course corrections as needed. That is the best we can do. That is the most we can do. Nothing more can be expected of us as we continue threading our pathway through life.
And that is the most we can expect of our partner, too. To make a union work, on the long term, we need to be willing to forgive and forget. Granted, that is not always an easy thing to do. Some things our partners do may sting and hurt us badly. But in the long run, the best thing to do is move onward.
We have the two choices: Stay or leave. Was the offense really bad enough to have to consider the two options? Is the damage done to our hearts really so deep and irreparable that it can never go away?
Only you can decide the answer to that. Was it really that bad, or are we just unwilling to forgive and forget? Ponder the true gravity of the offense. Keep in mind, that to leave means total life changes, and they do not always turn out for the best. Sometimes, of course, they can, in the case of leaving a truly abusive situation. But is your partner sincere in their efforts to change? Do their “fruits” prove the pudding?
To forgive and forget means to let it go. We may be justified in being somewhat cautious in our actions, allowing them ample time and space to prove themselves. But we also need to work on the “forgetting” part. That means, simply, that we do not continue to dredge up the past when it seems to support our “position”. We need to truly “let it go”.
Happiness is found in whatsoever places we look for it. The negative paths we follow from time to time will never turn up Joy. Joy and Happiness can only be found on the pathways of forgiveness and forgetting and moving forward with our lives.
Try it out. It may surprise you.