What to Do When People Don't Like You
Do you ever worry that people don't like you? Find out what to do when it seems that people don't like you. Learn how you can make friends.
Have you been trying hard to make friends with no good results to show for all of your efforts?
If it seems that you have been trying hard to make friends, but that other people still don’t want to be your friend, you may have come to the conclusion that there’s something wrong with you. That maybe you are basically unlikeable.
Many of us go through such torment of self-doubt, especially during our teenage years, when teens are often the victims of vicious bullying from their peers for no reason at all. If you feel as if the people you are trying to befriend don’t like you, the first thing you must do is to ask yourself: Do you have any real evidence that others don’t like you?
Or are you just imagining the worst because you are always very harsh with yourself?
People who have low self-esteem, or who are suffering from depression, are often convinced that others don’t like them, even when there is no evidence for their negative belief. People who have a poor self-image can be surrounded by others who like them, care about them, and enjoy their company; yet because these people don’t believe they are worthy of being liked, they are convinced that no one else likes them either.
So, if you are feeling as if nobody likes you, try to find out if there is some real evidence that others don’t like you, or whether you are just being very negative in your opinion of yourself.
On the other hand, there are times when it’s not just your imagination that others don’t like you. It might be really true that most of the people you meet are consistently rejecting you, even when you make social overtures and try to be as friendly to them as possible.
There are many reasons this can happen.
You may have moved to a society where the people are very tight knit with each other, and they don’t open up to newcomers easily. You might be surrounded by people who automatically dislike people of your particular religion, ethnic background, sexual orientation, skin color, or bodily appearance.
You may be surrounded by people who reject you because the clothes you wear are not the latest and most expensive fashion.
In high school years in particular, many teens are strongly conformist, and can be very cruel to those who seem to be different from the norm. Sadly, some people never grow out of the stage of judging others for trivial and superficial reasons.
If you are really being rejected by others, it is important that you don’t make the situation worse by attacking yourself. This will only make you feel worse, and will make you lose confidence in approaching new people in the future.
Saying negative things to yourself could start you on a downward spiral of self-doubt and self-hatred. Or you might turn your anger outwards in a spirit of bitterness and revenge towards other people. This is not a solution that will win you friends or peace of mind.
It’s also important to take a good, hard look at yourself and the way that you interact with other people. There may be specific behaviors that are causing others to dislike you, and these you can change.
Ask yourself the questions on this checklist. If it looks as if any of these are a problem for you, it’s very likely that if you change this behavior, that other people will like you better.
1. Are you always very negative and complaining all the time? Most people find this habit very annoying.
2. Do you actively participate in conversations with others? Or do you hold back and let other people do all the work in making conversation. If so, learn to improve your conversational skills so that talking with you is an experience that others look forward to.
3. Do you endlessly talk about yourself and show little interest in the people you are talking with? Other people will become bored with you very quickly if you seem only interested in yourself.
4. Do you try too hard to please others, always agreeing with everything that they say, and never having any opinions of your own? People won’t respect you if you don’t respect yourself.
5. Do you often say things that hurt the feelings of others and then say it was just a joke? Do you say mean things behind other people’s backs? No one will trust you if they think that you are basically an unkind person.
If you want to make other people your friends, it’s very important that you don’t give up on trying. Keep approaching people, keep trying to make conversation. Get rid of your bad social habits if they are getting in the way of friendship.
If you are being given the cold shoulder by many of the people you encounter, particularly in your school or workplace, keep looking elsewhere for people you can confide in and befriend. You can try in your church, in your community, and in your own family.
Work on developing the talents and good qualities within yourself so that you can appeal in a new way to other people with whom you will have more in common. Continue to actively search out other people who will like you and accept you.
How to Make People Like You by Being a Good Listener
The most significant skill to develop is how to be a good listener. Being a good listener doesn't mean being a shoulder for people to cry on. A good listener is someone who lets the speaker know he/she's listening. Here's what being a good listener can do for you:
You get more facts
With good listening skills, you can learn more and get more information. With more information, you also understand the situation better.
You don't waste time"just listening"
Pretending to listen or barely absorbing any information is just a waste of time. Instead, listen fully and seek more information to make the most use of your time.
You are seen as an intelligent and successful person
By listening fully, the speaker will also appreciate your attention and will see you as an intelligent and successful person. All intelligent and successful people have good listening skills.
You will be caring and likeable
This has been said many times over and over, but it is one of the most important reasons for being a good listener. These traits can create a relationship and bond with the speaker.
Being a good listener requires more than just listening. Here are some expert method to how you can have good listening skills:
Say encouraging words
I'm listening, tell me more, hmm, go on. Those are examples of encouraging words to tell the speaker that you're listening and you care.
Give your full attention
Look at the speaker's eye. Do not wander looking at something else, even for a split second. If you get nervous looking at someone, you may look away to an inatimate object as if you're profoundly thinking about the speaker's words.
Repeat key words
"7 on Friday. Got that". Repeat back bits of their words. Don't make them feel like they're talking to a doll.
Ask for repetition or clarification
For any parts that you dozed off, don't understand, or think is important, ask them about it. Do not wait till a minute later when you don't understand anything that he/she is describing. If there is an important point that requires your interest, ask them to confirm what you heard. For example, "9 on Friday?".
Ask for their opinion
When the speaker describes something that happened to him/her, ask what he/she felt about. Let the speaker know that he/she is important and that you care about what he/she is talking about.
Write down notes
I'm not telling you to write down everything they say as if you were attending a class. Write down key points and if you need time to write it down, ask them to pause for a second. Make sure you remember what was being discussed and ask the speaker to resume.
Create Happiness with a Positive Life Outlook
Every event we perceive through our senses is analyzed, evaluated and registered in the mind as pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. Our belief systems seek to determine whether each perceived input is something, which will "protect" or "endanger" our security, self-worth and / or freedom.
When life’s events are interpreted by our programmed mind as threatening, fearful or unpleasant, we experience a state of anxiety and tension. When anxiety and nervous tension become a chronic situation, then the body and mind are gradually worn down into a state of weakness and ill health. A psychosomatic illness is created.
The energy flow, concentration and clarity of the mind are disturbed. Organs begin to malfunction. Negative emotional states such as depression, bitterness, fear, anger, hate, envy, jealousy and resentment dominate the mind. Our relationships begin to deteriorate and a feeling of alienation can set it. It is time for «Attitude Therapy».
In Attitude Therapy we transform attitudes, beliefs or perceptions, which prevent us from experiencing health, happiness and harmony. Negative, life-destroying attitudes are replaced by positive life-building ones. Let us consider some of these beneficial attitudes.
1) I Alone Am Responsible for My Life, Health and Happiness
We create our health, illness, happiness, unhappiness, unity, alienation, joys and problems through our ways of thinking, behaving, eating, sleeping, living and interacting. When we eat poorly, do not exercise, sleep too little or too much, do not breathe properly and waste our mental and emotional energy on so many superficial pursuits, we will naturally lose our health and peace of mind.
We create our reality in four basic ways.
Of these four factors we have control over only the last two at this point in time. We cannot change our past choices and our soul lessons are an integral part of our presence in these bodies. Thus we are left with changing our present conscious and subconscious beliefs. Firstly this will allow us to attract more positive behaviors, events and situations toward our being. Secondly, we will perceive life more positively so that even when we are not getting our preferred reality we feel secure, worthy and free to be our selves.
Changing what we believe about life, others and most important of all, ourselves. Some of those alternative ways of perceiving life will be described in this series.
Some of them are: